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Ok guys (and girls don't think i forgot you bitches. I'm not that insensitive...NOW HURRY THE FUCK UP AND COOK US SOME FREAKIN FOOD!) [The members of slothspeed...alan, noel, matt, shane and tortoise would like to inform viewers that these opinions are not those of the band and it is unknown how they found their way to this website full of fun and good old family values]. That should shut the whining bitches up....oh....did i accidentally type that....ahhh who am i kidding, you's all know you are dirty dirty bitches. Hmmmmm...i have a feeling i'm gonna be feeling pain soon. And also possibly pissing out blood. interesting indeed. Riiiiiiiiiight. Anyway this is just a short list and review of our gigs (incredibly short but it will get bigger...OH HOW IT WILL GET BIGGER!) enjoy (ya dirty bitches).
AMANDA STAYTES HOE DOWN
Well well.....this is a gig that i believe the band would rather forget. Technically this should not even be counted as our first gig because at this stage in our frantic lives matt somers was not part of the band and shane was singing and also playing the bass, but i'll add this in anyway. Its not that we were bad or anything but the finger food was terrible....i mean who eats fingers....barbaric shovenous pigs! Alan also got really really wasted and played funny (crap) which then made the already good (crap) rest of the band play crap (crap). cheers all round
BECK CLARKE'S PARTAY
Hmmmmm.....Our first gig with matt joining the band. After learning from our last gig we did not drink at this gig....however this did not stop noel from playing like he was drunk.....or it could have just been because he is shit, incredibly shitty shit shit. The party was great and Beck was hot (does anyone else notice how i'm trying to score here?? eh? huh? yeah), but it was a very dodgy gig indeed. I would definitely say that noel eats a lot of balls...i dunno how cos you think tennis balls would give a guy indigestion but he keeps at it. Still....gotta start somewhere, and i guess shit is the place to do that. cheers for the big ears
BALLISTIC BAND COMP!
Boy the band has sure come a long way. Apart from noel pissing his pants on stage and his stupid arm cramping up, i'd have to say the gig went quite well. We had great support from the crowd and the whole band was 'feelin it' (feeling what i do not know, i'll let that one remain a mystery). Congratulations to fellow band (and arch enemies...no no...i'm just kidding guys *evil stare*) Best Before Yesterday who took out third place and recieved awards for best guitarist, and best bassist. Tops!
TEAGAN WOOD'S (HAHA WOOD) GET TOGETHER
Hmmmm, interesting this one was.....what i believed was to be a slothspeed concert apparently went down well with about a whole 10 people coming to watch....and then shafting us by going inside and playing the computer while we were playing....i hate you people so damn much. Still it was another chance to further refine our skills and kick out the jams which is what its all about. Good times!
SIREN OF THE SURF
I'm not too sure, but i think this was our next gig. This was a really big gig for us which we shared with Best before Yesterday and we were pumped. I remember pulling up in the car and Noel saying "holy fuck guys....i think i'm gay", and then Matt saying "holy fuck, i thought i was the only one, and then Alan saying "God i hate you bastards", and then shane saying "wow....thats a cool stage". And indeed it was a cool stage....a little too cool. It was massive and damn cool to be playing on, for a little while we even had a tiny little moshpit which consisted of two people...shane webber and dale rehbein...good kids. This gig went pretty well and i'd have to say the highlight was definitely the free burger that was our 'pay'....mmmmm....greasy goodness.
SIMON RIDDLEY'S (AKA SCI FI) PARTY
Hmmmm, i really can't remember how this gig went. I think it went alright, apart from some dodgy playin by noel and a few broken strings from alan, but it was fun none the less. A fair few people came and i believe we went crazy at the end with people jumping on eachother and noel being forced to sit down at the kit cos he is the drummer. poor lad. stupid drummer!
SIMONS RIDDLEY'S (AKA SCI FI) SISTERS (AKA SCI FI'S SISTER) PARTY
Hmmmm, now this was a cool gig if i do recall correctly. simons sister was going away or something, i don't really know, and they needed a band to play and that was us, and simon also invited a few people round which i believe he got in trouble for. It started out incredibly shitty with only simons sisters fuckhead friends being there, but everyone eventually rocked up and the party ROCKED HARDER THAN A PIMP IN A SQUIRREL SUIT! Our music was really starting to come along right about here....before this the fat shit had been dragging behind...having a heart attack...but the new pacemaker that was installed seems to be doing the trick. Future gigs are looking promising.
JENNA GANDOLFO'S PARTY
Good times to be had by all at this party....we got some really bitchin photos of the band here which i will put up soon hopefully if i'm not feeling to lazy. There weren't too many people but some magic did fly indeed, and it was just an all round fun gig. Highlights of the night would definitely have to be playing 'for whom the bell tolls' by metallica wiht a guest appearance by dale rehbein on rhythm guitar...this song went off...for us anyway. Excceeeeeelent.
MICHAEL HEATHWOOD AND SHANNON WILLIAMS JOINT PARTY
This gig was very rad indeed. It went down quite well and apart for a few songs where chosen members of the band (noel) fucked up, it was quite good. The crowd was good much like a drunken crowd at a party usually is and everyone was moshing (very cool). Other bands who also shared the spotlight with us were Slicoda (i think thats there name) who are just starting but have potential, and Pagen Society (very cool heavy band) who are just lacking a drummer and a bassist. Anyone interested send me (noel) an email. Highlights for the night was devirginising my new drumkit (in more ways then one). However let downs for the night was when it started fucking raining on my new drumkit. But everything was alright with the help of a rag and a man who called himself 'stalker'. Overall the night was kick ass.
EMMA TILDEN'S 18TH PARTY
wow.....there were so many drunk people attending this party. Surprisingly we were getting compliments from the adults there, so either our music has come a long way, or they were fully wasted...i'll let you be the judge. Quite a good gig overall, mainly because we got paid 100 dollars...yeah thats right ladies and gentleman, we have money to burn. Unfortunately it ended abruptly when our bassist matt, broke his freakin E string....on his bass....possibly the hardest string to break...ever. So that was the end of the night, but fun was had by all.
TAMIKA BROWN'S 18TH PARTY
Well it would appear that we have become an 18th party band, but quite on the contrary....we are not. Hmmmmmmmm, i guess we'll start from the beginning of the night which started fucking terrible because noel couldn't hold a beat if it beat the shit out of him. After a break however, the band was back better than ever, mainly because we were playing our own originals which we are all much more comfortable with. From this moment on the gig became fun as hell. Cos hell is damn fun.
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HEY YOU THERE
Well you've probably noticed that we play a lot of party gigs by now which is very true indeed, however we are not limited to party gigs only. We can play a large number of different gigs as long as the people there don't mind shitty music, but even if they do we'll be happy to bust out some tunes and allow everyone to undo there belt buckles and let loose (not in a gay way...trust me....i've seen it before and its not pretty). So if you need a band to play at your next hoe down or gathering or 100th birthday, feel free to drop me (noel) or any of the band members an email with details or queries. Our going rate seems to be a burger, some beers and a hug, but we're willing to accept all cash donations. c'mon...don't be scungy....scungy bastard. So what are you waiting for? Getting us to play is a reason to have a party in itself....so go on....connect to the internet (or stay on seeing as your looking at this on the net already) and send us an email telling us to get off our assess and play your sweet ass gig. Its not like we have jobs or study for school or anything. GO ON!
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